I'll Never Let Go
by badshitfromwheniwas14
Summary: How determined are you? Would you fight for the one you love? Could you bear with life without them? Would you let go? Would you hold on? Hold on the only thing you can have: Hope
1. Empty

**A/N: This picks up about two months after Doomsday, but I'm ignoring the Bride and Jack and Martha. Hope you like!**

It had been a months since Rose had last seen the Doctor on the beach and although she'd gotten to tell the Doctor how she felt, it didn't seem like enough. This world was just like her own, and yet it was different, like something was wrong; out of place. The absence of the Doctor Rose had put it down to. Her parents were immensely happy; her mum finally live happily ever after, her dad got the family he'd never really had. And as for Mickey, well he was finally getting what he deserved - the proper treatment. The treatment Rose had never given him. Here, he was a hero. An alien researcher at Torchwood, just like her. He had his gran, and her parents had shepherded him in like a son. Somehow, they all seemed to fit. Except for Rose, she was empty. But she was determined. Determined to get back to the one man (well alien) that she'd tear the universe apart for. But, this day was no different from any other and Rose got ready for work as normal. Her colleagues were all somewhat aware of what she'd been through. "…dumped brutally by her last boyfriend…" "…is suffering after effects of the Cyberman invasion…" "Nah, she's been there. The stars. It's affected her," were just a few of the rumours circulating. But nevertheless Rose continued working with a smile, while deep down inside she was dead. Rose Tyler was empty.

"Edwards please bring Miss Tyler and her friend Mr Smith up. I think it's about time we had a chat," Torchwood director Ronald Housing said. He'd know for some time that those two weren't normal. Monitoring employee behaviour was not a normal thing him to do, but this pair had been quite odd. Ronal suspected an affair between the pair and intended to squash it before it endangered anyone. Workplace relationships were a hazard to all, as if may affect one's better judgement. It was one of the primary rules.

"You wanted to see us Mr Housing?" a young female voice said, interrupting Ronald's train of thought.

"Yes I did. Welcome Miss Tyler, Mr Smith. I want to talk to you two about your current relationship status. Your behaviour around each other is peculiar. Some days you'll be hugging. Others, holding hands. I even saw you kiss her forehead Mr Smith. Now, you've been working here for about 2 months. Correct?"

Rose and Mickey both nodded.

"Good, then you'll both know that employee relationships are a forbidden territory here at Torchwood."

"Mr Housing, if you're accusing me and Rose of a relationship, with we're both aware is against the rules, then you've got it wrong," Mickey piped up defensively. He walked right p to Ronald and said, "Rose, she's in a bad place right now. She's fragile. She just lost the love of her life in circumstances that even you, working here wouldn't believe. If I've been a little more 'friendly' towards rose lately, it's because I'm trying to comfort her. Now, if you don't mind Mr Housing, we'll be getting back to our jobs."

He took Rose's hand and led them both out of the office leaving a bewildered Ronal Housing sitting at his desk. Never in his 13 years as director had he been wrong about that sort of matter. And he didn't like it.

**IOIOIOIOI**

"Thankyou. You're a true friend Mickey. I'm sorry about these past two months. It's just I really love him. It's not so easy to let go of that. Sorry," Rose said gratefully to Mickey. She would never have been able to do what he'd just done. Not without breaking down. It was then that Rose felt guilty about the plot she'd been forming in her had for the last two months. She intended to reactivate a void wall in a way that it would take her back to her own realm, and leaving this universe and everyone in it behind. Yes, guilt was exactly what Rose Tyler felt at that moment, and she wished the Doctor were there to make her feel better. To take away the much more foreshadowing feeling: Emptiness.

**Chapter one, here it is. Please feed the review monster or I'll unleash the underwear eater again. :P**


	2. What You Think You Know

**A/N: Wow, what a lot of reviews… I didn't expect such a fantastic response. Wow. Thankyou to all who did review. Here's chapter two. **

For days the Doctor had tried to re-establish the connection to Bad Wolf Bay. Tried to get back and tell Rose what he should've told her every day. 'I love you,' three simple words with some much meaning. He had condolence knowing that she was safe. Knowing she was with her family. With people who loved her. Knowing that she loved him back. A lesser man than the Doctor would've given up and gotten drunk, but not him, he'd tried to get back. Tried to punch through the fabric of that universe. Harnessed every bit of energy the TARDIS had to get back to Rose. It was when the TARDIS, magnificent as she was, knocked him off his feet that the Doctor admitted defeat. He collapsed on the ground underneath the console and allowed his emotions to fly. For the first time in his life, the Doctor cried. Sure, he'd been wounded mentally and physically after the Time War, but it hadn't reduced him to tears. Instead he'd brooded. Refusing to let anyone in. Except for Rose. He'd become to close to the blonde 21st century shop girl who'd taught him what life was about. The same girl he'd fallen in love with and inevitably had to part ways with. He cried himself to sleep that night, a truly broken man.

**IOIOIOIOI**

During the last two months, the Doctor had been trying on companions like they were clothes, and on the way he'd found himself a new blonde, 21st century shop girl. Ironically, her name was that of a flower too: Lily. But, that was where they similarities ended. She'd been selfish and uncaring. Lily had not grieved when he told her of the Time War and had not condoned him when the Doctor had spoken of what happened to Rose. Lily did not appreciate him, and after a week, it was no surprise that he dropped her back on earth. She had not begged him to let her stay, and that's what had made the transition so easy. Lily was selfish. Lily only cared for herself. Lily was everything Rose was not.

**IOIOIOIOI**

He'd created a memorial for her back on earth. He'd had a service. Invited all her old friends, but all the while knowing that he was the only one left on _this _earth who still really cared. Flicking through old photo albums of their time together had helped the Doctor fall asleep at night. At first. Then the grief _really_ set in. His mind was taunting him. Taking him on a psychological roller coaster, and there was no way off.

'Rose is gone. She's not coming back. Never will. You're not gonna see her again,' his mind sneered. 'And you know it. You know that I'm right. You know that you won't ever see her again. She'll always be left wondering if you loved her. And she'll probably get back with Mickey. She'll move on, and even if you _do _see her again. The Rose Tyler you love will be dead.'

The Doctor tried to force these thoughts from his mind. He distracted himself day and night, trying to avoid sleep. He travelled around to times where he knew survival would be the only thing on his mind. It was when he realised that his former self, Rose and Jack would be in 1941 at the height of the London Blitz that stopped him from visiting. His rationality had gone out the window, and it seemed that the self-destructive mode that the Doctor was in, wouldn't be switching off any time soon.

There were nights when Rose Tyler swore she could hear the TARDIS materialising outside. Nights where she would swear that the Doctor's voice was soothing her to sleep, telling her everything would be all right, and then she would open her eyes. In her imagination, she was still with the Doctor, but her eyes, and her better judgement told her she was not. They said that it was impossible. And it was this that drove her. It was these thoughts that made Rose Tyler determined to find her way back to the Doctor. On this particular night, the clockworks in Rose's brain began working. On her lunch breaks she had been programming a particular wall. Unused for years, Rose knew it would be a safe place to work from. And it was near ready. Rose was unsure how she'd done it. It hadn't been easy. But she'd re-routed the destination point from a void, to her universe. And it was ready. Tomorrow was it. And that was why Rose's brain wasn't not sleepy. Was it excitement? Was it fear? She did not know. But Rose Tyler knew this much: that when the time came, nothing and no one could and would talk her out of it.

**IOIOIOIOI**

The bottle of whisky sitting on the dresser had been tempting. Hell, the Doctor had come so close to drinking it. Sure, he wasn't an alcoholic, but using alcohol to cope with pain wasn't the answer. And neither was attempted suicide. The loss of Rose to the Doctor and the isolation was not a healthy mix. It was almost as deadly as mixing the whisky on his dresser with pills. Sure, in time he would heal and move on with his life, but the scars would still be there. And the painful memories that lay with them. So, the next day, the Doctor got up, and tried to change his life. He had a shower, shaved and got a clean pair of clothes out. He looked respectable again. He looked like the man that so many people had come to fear. He looked like the Doctor ready for business. And today, he was getting closure. He was going to say goodbye to Rose, for good. He was going to move on. He set the coordinates for earth, went to the garden room, picked some flowers and then took a deep breath. His life restarted today.

**So, should I continue? I've got other chapters written in my diary very roughly so… let me know. Hit the review button please! **


	3. Sir

**A/N: THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH! Yet another fantastic response. You people really know how to make my day.So, I've got a surprise for you... however you'll have to read to find out what.Here's chapter three! Oh and I apologise for any mistakes last chapter, and any I might make this chapter. Enjoy!**

The Doctor sat on the park bench near Rose's "grave," the flowers sitting on the earth under the headstone. He buried his head in his hands and allowed himself to cry. He cried everything out, unashamed of what he looked like. 'This was the best kind of therapy,' he thought. 'Moving on. It's not like you'll ever forget her.'

"You know, a smile can make even the darkest days seem bright," an elderly lady said, taking the seat next to him. He looked up to see her smiling.

"Yes, I once knew someone who could do that. She's gone now," the Doctor replied.

"I take it that she's the one who you're grieving for. It's nice to see you men these days, not afraid to show their emotions. Not caring what other's think," the old lady said.

The Doctor smiled at her again, "I suppose. I just wish I'd told her how I feel. The one time I tried, I chickened out. I wish I could have my time with her again. Redo it. I could tell her everything. Feel better in here," the Doctor said, indicating to his hearts and the tears stinging at his eyes again.

The old lady squeezed his hand, and gave him another smile.

"It's getting late, I should be going, nice to meet you. Hope this doesn't keep you down," she said, giving him one last smile in a last attempt to cheer the Doctor up.

"Sure. Oh, and, thanks. It's been a while since I spoke to anyone who really cared."

She gave him a friendly wave, then walked off into the sunset. The Doctor stood up took one last look at Rose's grave, blew it a kiss, and walked the opposite way. Realising it was weeks since he'd had a proper meal; he stopped in at a small pub that said 'Meals after 7pm'. Scanning the bar, he ordered a side of chips, (sadly reminded of Rose) when he saw a familiar face sitting at the counter, with a number of shot glasses in front of him. He sat down next to him and said, "You know Captain, that's an awful lot for someone to drink."

"What? I'm sorry do I know you?" Jack replied, slurring his words.

"Here, take this, it'll sober you right up," the Doctor replied, giving Jack a pill and winking at the man who was known for his charm.

Jack swallowed, and found himself as sober as a child.

"Now, what did I do to deserve this honour? Is it my birthday?" the Captain flirted eyeing the Doctor in his oh so gracious fashion.

"Oh, I don't know, you dropped a Chula warship in the London Blitz and tried to con me out of my money… I'd say you brought this on yourself," the Doctor quipped.

Jack eyed the Doctor suspiciously for a while, before establishing the connection, and realising who he was talking and flirting with.

"Doctor?" he asked astounded.

"Took you long enough."

The two friends hugged as they were reunited.

"So, what's with the new face?"

"Regeneration. When I die, I change my body, every single cell, but it's still me. I've still got all my memories."

"Oh, bet that's sends the ladies wild. By the way, where's Rose?"

The Doctor bit his lip and smiled sadly, "We were separated in the incident involving Torchwood recently. She's in a parallel universe. Where I can never see her again."

"No," Jack breathed seeing the anguish in the Doctor's eyes and hearing the strain on his voice.

The Doctor nodded, words escaping him. They sat there in this silence for a few minutes.

"So, how did you get back here? Last time we met it was in the year 200,000," the Doctor queried.

"I hitched a ride back with a girl from the Time Agency. Ran off when she landed here."

Suddenly, the bar maid interrupted, "Drink sirs?"

Neither man looked up, but they shooed the girl away. However, she seemed insistent, "But you ordered it."

"Look, we don't want – " The Doctor said, cutting himself off as he looked at the barmaid. It was Rose, smiling cheekily at him. Laughing, he said, "Hey, you stole my bit!"

Jack and the Doctor lifted her over the bar and crushed her in a hug. She smiled at them, and said, " Well, you have to admit, it _is _attention grabbing."

"Is this real? I mean, how did you get back here?" the Doctor asked, staring into Rose's eyes.

"I'll tell you later, when I'm not wearing a leather miniskirt and white tee-shirt that makes me look desperate."

"Oh, I don't mind it Rosie. Accents your… features," Jack teased.

"Get over yourself," she laughed back.

They left their money on the bar and wandered back outside, Rose's hand interlocked with the Doctor's. Without realising, the trio had arrived at the TARDIS, a sight Jack and Rose thought they'd never see again. Clutching her TARDIS key, Rose pressed it through the lock and opened the doors up to the massive inside. The console room looked as normal as ever, and Rose could swear that she saw her jumper on the far sided railing.

"Welcome home."

"Ain't no place like it."

Rose ran off to her old bedroom to change out of her clothes and into something more respectable. This left the Doctor and Jack to share their joy.

The two men hugged each other, smiles plastered all over their faces. The Doctor twirled in utter joy around the control room screaming in ecstasy. It truly was the best feeling in the world for him. Jack simply laughed at the man who had nothing's happiness. The Time Lord who had lost everything, had finally found it all again.

Rose emerged some ten minutes later to find them sitting in the lounge.

"Took you long enough. Did you get lost?" the Doctor teased.

"Oh, yeah, but, I'm not they only one acting giddy. So much for not dancing," Rose pointed out.

She plonked down on the couch next to the Doctor and leant on him, his arm around her. Both realising that this casual façade they were putting on still left words unsaid. It took Jack to realise this. He saw the cool way they were treating each other, then took into account the fact that Rose had obviously made mountains move to get back to him, and the dance and ecstasy the Doctor had displayed earlier.

"If it's okay, I think I'll go to bed. Do what you've got to do."

For a while, they sat there, hands interlaced. With a bond as strong as theirs, words seemed like a waste. They were connected in a way that no one could and would ever understand, not even Jack, a guy both of them had grown to love. It was the Doctor who broke their silence first, " Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"What you said on the beach. Did you mean it? Or were you just caught up in the moment?"

"Where's this come from?"

The Doctor felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. The assurance that she loved him wasn't real.

"Didn't you believe me?" Rose asked.

"I – uh…"

"I meant it Doctor. Every word. But what about you? What were you going to say to me before the transmission cut out?"

The Doctor sat up to face her. He took deep breath and said to himself, 'this is it.' Holding her hands and staring deep into Rose's eyes, " Rose Tyler, a long time ago, I met you cowering below a plastic dummy in a shop basement. I knew in that elevator you were better than the life you had. I knew you were destined for greater things on that bridge when you found the Nestene transmitter. Rose, it was _you _that destroyed those Daleks on Satellite 5. Sure I told you that ages ago, but, Rose, you defeated the things I couldn't. Rose, you're my equal in everyway. And that's why I love you. Rose Tyler, I love you. Truly. And that's what I wanted to say on that beach."

She stared at him for a while, eyes shining. He stared at her, eyes shining. They were inches from each other, and the Doctor tilted his head, his lips fluttering across hers. It was a fleeting kiss, but then, hungry for more, Rose kissed him back, the months of loneliness built up and exploding at that moment. Then, the Doctor scooped her up in his arms, and they went to get to catch up a little better…

**Okay, now, there _is _another chapter to this, not sure how long this will be yet, but the next one will explain exactly how Rose got back. Hope you liked this instalment. Please review! **


	4. So That's How It Happened

**A/N: Wow, you people are really responding well to this story. Thanks! Now, here's what you've all been waiting for, Rose's comeback.**

The next morning, Rose awoke to find herself in the Doctor's arms. It _had _been real. She watched his chest rise and fall with every breath and his hair, ruffled from the previous night's activities.

"G'morning," he mumbled, smiling at her.

"Hello sleepy head," she grinned back. Rose was unaware how long they lay in bed just basking in the other's presence.

"What? Still in bed at this hour?" Jack said, peeping in.

"Come on, then, lets get ready."

Emerging from the bed, the Doctor and Rose proceeded to get ready for what they were sure would be an emotional day.

"So, Rosie, you gonna tell us how you managed the impossible?" Jack asked over breakfast.

"After we've eaten, I don't want to start crying over my weetbix."

They all laughed at this, and then proceeded to the lounge room, a box of tissues in each of their hands.

"I don't know where to start," Rose said softly.

"Start from when we last saw each other, it's an easy point to recount from," the Doctor advised.

"Okay. Well, I was on the beach…"

Start Flashback 

_Rose Tyler ran to her mother, truly broken. She didn't want to go on. She wanted to crawl into the sand on this beach and never leave. For it was the last place that she'd seen him. She didn't want to go back to working. Back to living. Back to domesticity. Rose was silent the whole trip back, tears streaming silently down her face as she stared out the window. Mickey had taken her hand at first, but it was no use, she didn't respond. It was as though she was still looking for him. For any trace of the man she loved. She was looking in her memory, remembering when he first grasped her hand in the basement of Henriks. Remembering when they'd first shared the tradition of time and chips. Remembering his catchphrase (Fantastic). Remembering how he would make everything all right. But he wouldn't do that. Not anymore. He would be home to give her a hug, go out and get chips and tell her it would all be all right. Because he was gone, and she was empty. _

_Rose took a few sick days off to readjust to life. Then re-assuming her job at Torchwood, the mundane lifestyle she'd hated for so long, never envious of those living it. 'So this is what Sarah-Jane went through,' Rose thought, finally understanding what the woman had meant so long ago. When she was summoned to Ron Housing – Director of Torchwood's office, several months after the incident, her legs went week. Her tongue froze, and she was unable to speak for herself. It was as though all her fight had been drained. Mickey was there though, he was the hero, and she felt guilty. Because she'd imagined him as the Doctor, her saviour, the light of her life. And that night, Rose felt worse, because she had planned to leave. Empty as she was, Rose was still determined. She needed the Doctor, he was a part of her, as much as she was a part of him. She loved him, more than life itself, and she would risk it if it meant seeing him again. Her plan was to re-activate an unused void wall and punch a hole in space-time back into her own reality. Since she'd returned to work, her lunch breaks had been devoted to the project. And when it was ready, Rose readied _herself _for the life she would be leaving, and the hope of seeing him again. _

"_Mum, Pete, I want you to come to work with me today." _

_Her parents just stared at her blankly, as if she'd just announced that the sky was green and the grass was blue. However, they didn't object, and that morning they went to work with Rose and Mickey. It was when Mickey noted that they weren't moving towards the general area, that he asked, "Rose, what are we doing?" _

"_You'll see," was the only response they got. And it worried them. The group arrived at the void wall Rose had been busying herself on. _

"_Mum, Pete – Dad, Mickey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. I'm sorry for being the way I am. And I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. You'll recognise this wall and what it does. It opens up to different worlds. I'm sorry." _

"_No. Rose no!" Jackie cried. Rushing to her daughter and realising her plan, she embraced her, crying. For this was to be the last time she saw her. _

"_Mum, I've got to. I'm miserable here." _

"_Rose, I always knew you'd leave us again. But, is there another way?" Mickey asked, a quiver in his voice. _

"_No. I love him. And I _must _get back. Even if it means, doing this. I'm so, so sorry." _

"_Rose, my sweet, you're the daughter I never knew. And yet, here I am, sad to let you go. But, if love has taught me one thing, it's that you never let it die," her dad said, cupping her face in his hands. _

"_Mum, I'm sorry, but it's what I want. This phone, I can call you with it. You'll hear from me, I promise. Dad, I'm glad I met you. Glad we got to spend some time catching up on what we never had. Mickey… I want you to be happy. I want you to love again. Move on. Goodbye my family." _

_So, Rose powered up the wall, and sadly waved goodbye to the trio who desperately wanted her to stay, but knew if she did, they would not have the daughter they longed for. They would get the shell of her. And, so, the wall consumed her, seeing the last proper smile they would ever see on Rose Tyler's face. _

_When the wall consumed her, it was as though she was falling through time. Falling, falling, falling. No one there to catch her. And, when she landed softly on the ground outside a pub, she saw a man; in a brown pinstripe suit and raincoat enter it. What luck it was, that she wouldn't have to call him, and miss out on the fun of surprising the pants off him. Quickly explaining to the barmaids that she wanted to surprise her old friend, they let her behind the counter and gave her the wine. "Drink sirs…"_

The Doctor, upon hearing her tale, wiped the tears from his eyes, unaware that he had been crying. It wasn't something a Time Lord normally did. He noticed too, that Jack's face was also full of anguish, and his eyes shining. Kissing her affectionately, he said," My God you're fantastic. You're smart, beautiful and caring. I could go on for hours, but it's true. Fantastic you are. How on earth did you think of that?"

"I'm not sure," she laughed. She turned to Jack, and saw that he too was moved.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'll sure take that drink now."

**Well, I _hope _you liked that. I'm going to finish it here, because everything is just peachy at the mo. It wasn't intended to be a long story, just my way of reuniting them. Please R&R as it _may _urge me to continue at a later date. **


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